[well shit. now that you're here, stiles isn't totally sure he wants to have this conversation in person. text was honestly so much easier. and he'd honestly already had so many serious conversations in the past few months. did he really want to start another one?]
Hey Allison, really digging the forceful thing, it's pretty hot I'm gonna be honest.
[okay maybe that was too honest in the other direction, whoops.]
[ The look on her face clearly states that now is not the time for jokes, even ones about how pretty she is. Allison crosses her arms, but her tone is gentle. ] Stiles. How can we make it easier, now? Because you can't just keep blaming yourself for everything that happened, it's not your fault.
[ She freezes. There's about a thousand things running her mind right at that moment, two two foremost being denial and horror. But there-- there has to be an explanation. Stiles wouldn't just let it in, not for no reason, not for shits and giggles. It didn't change the fact that the things the nogitsune did with his body were done without his permission or control. And that meant everything.
She tries to keep her tone even, clinical and unemotional. But this is hurting her a little more than she thought it would. ] Why? You wouldn't do it without a reason, that's not like you.
[stiles shoots her a wry, kind of hurt, raw look. he really really doesn't want to have this conversation.] I'm sure there's some kids at school who would tell you that everything I do is without reason. Some teachers too.
[come on stiles this is allison. and you've already had this conversation with lydia, this should be easy. except.
it was allison.] I didn't... [deep breath.] It's not like I knowingly let it in or something. Or. I don't think I knew. But Deaton kept talking about us opening doors, and I opened a door in my dreams and then suddenly I couldn't read, and I couldn't tell when I was asleep and when I was dreaming. And we were supposed to close the door, Allison, but I never closed it, I don't even think I tried.
[ She approaches him, then, grabs his biceps with her hands and holds on tight. She works to maintain eye contact with him, turning her head if he turns his. He has to know how serious she's taking this -- that she believes in him. That he's someone worth believing in. She's not trying to hurt him, but she's not going to let him run from this, mentally or physically.
He has to hear it. ] Those people at school don't know you. I know you. Scott knows you. Lydia knows you. And I know you would have tried. You would have fought. And you would have closed that door if you could have. You can't take responsibility for this. It's not yours to take. If it's anyone's, it's Noshiko's for bringing it here in the first place. You're a victim, Stiles. And anyone who tries to convince you otherwise is wrong to do so.
You were in there, Stiles, but it wasn't you. And that's why we worked so hard to save you.
[DON'T YOU TAKE THAT TONE WITH HIM, MISSY. stiles narrows his eyes in response.]
Of course that doesn't make anything better. It does make it my fault though. I'm the one that failed to close the door. Not the nogistune, not Noshiko, me.
[actual physical recoil here, hope you've got a firm grip on him right now, allison, or he's probably going to hit the ground, his reaction is so visceral.]
That's-- [stiles is all set to argue, he is, but the problem is... allison isn't actually all that wrong. the logic is sound. but it just can't be that simple.]
That's different. [he says it, but he seems to have lost a lot of his steam. he frowns, and finally looks down and away from allison. down at his hands in his lap.] ... isn't it?
[ She sits down next to him, and finally lets go, softening. ] Not really. You got used, Stiles, against your will. You weren't asking for it, you didn't tell that thing to possess you and hurt your friends.
[ Allison reaches over and grabs his hand, linking their fingers together and squeezing. ] It wasn't your fault. And I'll keep telling you that until you believe it.
[this is absolutely not how he saw this conversation going, not in a million years. he squeezes back almost thoughtlessly because he's still trying to work through all the details and his brain keeps throwing up giant blocks because even after everything his favorite solution is still to ignore things that make him uncomfortable or crack a joke.
allison definitely deserves better than that though. so he just gives her a small little smile instead.] Promise?
Promise. [ And it's her sincere voice. You know, the one she generally tends to use when talking to Lydia. She sits, silent for a moment, and then turns to look at him, gaze dropping to his mouth and then back up to his eyes.
And she doesn't go for it. Instead, she takes a deep breath, and puts her head on his shoulder. ] I'm sorry. If I upset you.
[it says something that the touch doesn't feel strange or unfamiliar by now. it doesn't though, so stiles just shakes his head barely, brushing up against her more with the movement before he answers.]
Nah, don't apologize. I guess it sort of... needed to be said. You know how much I hate talking about this sort of thing, though. Which is why you've basically got to hold me down and make me.
[forcing stiles to talk about emotions, at least, his own, was always going to be upsetting. still, one battle at a time. he points a finger at her teasingly.]
Remember what I said about that forceful thing, Allison.
[gentle the shove might have been, but stiles let's himself move with the pressure as if it was much more firm and sprawls back against the bed dramatically.]
You've slayed me, I'm finished, Allison. Throw in the towel for me, I don't have the strength to do it myself.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2015-03-06 05:40 am (UTC)Hey Allison, really digging the forceful thing, it's pretty hot I'm gonna be honest.
[okay maybe that was too honest in the other direction, whoops.]
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Date: 2015-03-06 06:24 am (UTC)action;
Date: 2015-03-06 06:37 am (UTC)[or no answer at all. that works too.]
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Date: 2015-03-06 06:44 am (UTC)She tries to keep her tone even, clinical and unemotional. But this is hurting her a little more than she thought it would. ] Why? You wouldn't do it without a reason, that's not like you.
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Date: 2015-03-06 07:06 am (UTC)[come on stiles this is allison. and you've already had this conversation with lydia, this should be easy. except.
it was allison.] I didn't... [deep breath.] It's not like I knowingly let it in or something. Or. I don't think I knew. But Deaton kept talking about us opening doors, and I opened a door in my dreams and then suddenly I couldn't read, and I couldn't tell when I was asleep and when I was dreaming. And we were supposed to close the door, Allison, but I never closed it, I don't even think I tried.
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Date: 2015-03-06 07:12 am (UTC)He has to hear it. ] Those people at school don't know you. I know you. Scott knows you. Lydia knows you. And I know you would have tried. You would have fought. And you would have closed that door if you could have. You can't take responsibility for this. It's not yours to take. If it's anyone's, it's Noshiko's for bringing it here in the first place. You're a victim, Stiles. And anyone who tries to convince you otherwise is wrong to do so.
You were in there, Stiles, but it wasn't you. And that's why we worked so hard to save you.
action;
Date: 2015-03-06 07:25 am (UTC)You and Scott managed to close the door.
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Date: 2015-03-06 07:27 am (UTC)[ Because that has nothing to do with it, to her. ] That's supposed to make what happened to you better?
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Date: 2015-03-06 07:38 am (UTC)Of course that doesn't make anything better. It does make it my fault though. I'm the one that failed to close the door. Not the nogistune, not Noshiko, me.
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Date: 2015-03-06 07:39 am (UTC)action;
Date: 2015-03-06 07:41 am (UTC)Of course not!
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Date: 2015-03-06 07:43 am (UTC)action;
Date: 2015-03-06 07:56 am (UTC)That's different. [he says it, but he seems to have lost a lot of his steam. he frowns, and finally looks down and away from allison. down at his hands in his lap.] ... isn't it?
Re: action;
Date: 2015-03-06 08:03 am (UTC)[ Allison reaches over and grabs his hand, linking their fingers together and squeezing. ] It wasn't your fault. And I'll keep telling you that until you believe it.
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Date: 2015-03-17 11:57 pm (UTC)allison definitely deserves better than that though. so he just gives her a small little smile instead.] Promise?
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Date: 2015-03-18 01:20 am (UTC)And she doesn't go for it. Instead, she takes a deep breath, and puts her head on his shoulder. ] I'm sorry. If I upset you.
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Date: 2015-03-19 07:46 pm (UTC)Nah, don't apologize. I guess it sort of... needed to be said. You know how much I hate talking about this sort of thing, though. Which is why you've basically got to hold me down and make me.
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Date: 2015-03-20 02:33 am (UTC)action;
Date: 2015-03-20 02:41 am (UTC)Remember what I said about that forceful thing, Allison.
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Date: 2015-03-20 04:00 am (UTC)action;
Date: 2015-03-20 04:23 am (UTC)action;
Date: 2015-03-20 04:56 am (UTC)Re: action;
Date: 2015-03-20 04:59 am (UTC)You've slayed me, I'm finished, Allison. Throw in the towel for me, I don't have the strength to do it myself.
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Date: 2015-03-20 05:02 am (UTC)action;
Date: 2015-03-20 08:25 am (UTC)action;
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